At the urging of a few friends, I will post Regina’s Rule #32 – The Statute of Limitations on Grievances.
24 hours. You have 24 hours to tell me what I did wrong or why you’re angry with me. 24 hours, that’s it. If you come to me after that, I don’t want to hear it. Your grievance is no longer valid and will not be entertained.
There are a few reasons for this:
- Most days, I can barely remember what I had for breakfast that morning and you want me to think back to something that happened when? No. I do not have an elephant’s memory so when you bring up things that happened long ago, I’m at a disadvantage. I can’t discuss the issue because I don’t remember it happening. And I will not apologize or admit to something I don’t remember doing.
- I don’t hold grudges or dwell in the negative. Once something happens, I let it go (hence the bad memory). If you choose to hold on to a grudge – fine. I will go on happily with my life and you may continue to stew in your anger. I will not participate in your negativity.
- Communication is the key to every relationship. When something happens, we should talk it out as soon as possible so that any miscommunication can be clarified, any wrong rectified, and any hurt acknowledged. If I ask what’s wrong and you tell me “nothing”, I will believe you. What reason do I have to think you are lying to me? I say what I mean and mean what I say, and assume everyone else does because we all have learned that lying is wrong. So if you want our relationship to be well, you should be open and honest about your feelings.
Now I understand there may be situations where you think you may not be able to talk to me within 24 hours. Perhaps I pissed you off right before you leave for a week’s vacation. Or right before you go into the hospital for major surgery. Or any other number of circumstances. To which I say, do your best. When you get on the plane, send me a text that I was jerk. But if you’re truly incapacitated and can’t get to me in 24 hours, then I understand. We’ll talk when we talk.
But you better not wait and bring it up 2 years from now. I don’t want hear it.