Why I left my job of 12 years

fallorfly3 years ago, I knew that I was leaving but I didn’t know exactly when. 1-3 years is what I told my manager. By last year, I had planned to wait until 2018 – after my younger kid graduated. But came January, I knew that it was time to go.

Why did I leave the job I had for 12 years? It wasn’t the pay (I made almost 6 figures); I wasn’t stagnant in my career (I had received 3 promotions); and the benefits are awesome compared to other places. No, it was more than that:

  • I want to make a bigger impact. I couldn’t reach those who would really benefit from my help from there.
  • I became too busy doing what I wasn’t excited about.
  • The amount of work was negatively affecting my personal life.
  • I didn’t want to work that hard for very little reward.
  • The work wasn’t worth the long aggravating commute.
  • I want to spread my wings and try other things.
  • I did not feel as though I fit in with the new culture.
  • I looked at everything in my life and my job was the one thing I wasn’t happy about.
  • I need to focus on what I was put on this Earth to do.

Even with the negative reasons, I bear my former employer no ill will. It was a good run; a good 12  years. I grew up there and learned a lot. That place helped me to develop the knowledge, skills, and confidence that I have now, so I can go out on my own. I encountered so many helpful people there, that I can only pay them back by paying it forward; by helping others and being successful at it. It was not an easy decision, but it was the right decision.

Own your anger

di8xxRn5TThis isn’t about forgiveness. This is about looking at the real cause of your anger. When someone does something that really angers you, ask yourself “Why are you angry?” What is going on with you that you feel so angry about what happened? Had they done that in a different situation, might you not have been angry? So why is it bothering you now?

Here’s an example I experienced a few years back: Continue reading

Kid Moments #2

Nae: There’s no state with the letter Q in it’s name.
Me: Yes, that’s true.
Ni: There’s none with the letter Z.
Me: Arizona.
Ni: Oh, I thought that was an S. What about B?
Me: Nebraska.
Nae: Boston.
Ni: That’s not a state.
Nae: It’s not?
Me: Where is Boston?
Ni & Nae: *blank stare*
Nae: Texas?
Ni: No, that’s Austin.
Me: (shaking my head, thinking how I’ve failed them) 

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Mature Blogging

I have been reading over my past blog posts. I’ve come to realized two things:

  • I write really well when I’m hurt or learning
  • I was really hurting and learning back then

Does this mean that I’m not writing well now or that I’m not hurting and learning now? Well, the answer is yes and no. Because I’m human I am always learning, but I think the lessons now are not as profound as they were. Now I’m learning life’s best practices like “Oh look, there’s pitfall. How shall I avoid it?” rather than “Oh Shit! Where did that big-ass hole come from?” I can see the pitfalls now. Back then, I didn’t know what a pitfall was.

My writing is also from a different place now; a more grown up and adult place. I can deal with the hurts much better now; I know that I won’t die from them so my reaction is not so extreme. And that may not make for such exciting posts.

It also doesn’t help that my time isn’t a free as it was. I don’t have much free time to think let alone time to write. And when those juicy thoughts do come to mind, I often find that I’m too busy to write them down. Unfortunately, my older mind can’t hold onto them too long and they end up slipping away.

But as we know, life is an adventurous journey. At some point, I will be revisited by hurt and will have more learning to do. Till then, please enjoy my more mature but mellow posts.

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7 years

649abebf66672017badbaf51fbb4c43bWow, it’s been 7 years. 7 years since I closed one major chapter and started another. 7 years since I left that insecure girl behind and start my journey to become a confident woman. 7 years since I said enough is enough an unlocked my self-imposed cage and freed myself. 7 years.

7 years ago I made a decision that terrified me. There were so many potential repercussions that I would have rather avoided. I had no idea how we would make it or if we would. What would happen if we had to go back to the ways things were? It would have been easier to not do anything and stay as I was. But the fear of things staying the same strongly outweighed the fear of any of those repercussions.

And in those 7 years I have struggled. Struggled in ways I never would have dreamed of. But I have also grown. I have grown in ways I never thought I could. And I am so amazed and proud of where and who I am now. A pride that eluded me 7 years ago. A pride that I had felt was for other people. A pride that carries me forward to do more and be more. My heart, my soul, my whole being is so happy, grateful, and thankful for that decision 7 years ago.

I am eternally grateful to my knights in shining armor who help me around the corner that day. You know who you are. I didn’t know who would come help but you did. And they have continued to be there for me as I for them.

I say this for those who are struggling with a big decision. It is terrifying. You don’t know who may be there for you and who won’t. But when the thought of things staying the same scares you more than making the change, you will do it. And you will not only live through it, you will come out on the other side much much stronger, wiser, and better for it.