Regina’s Rule #32 – The Statute of Limitations on Grievances

At the urging of a few friends, I will post Regina’s Rule #32 – The Statute of Limitations on Grievances.

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Why I stopped dating

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I know this will sound crazy to some people but a little over 2 years ago, I stopped dating. I got so mad at the last guy I was seeing that I just stopped altogether. After a year, I turned off the matching on all my dating sites. And after 2 years, I don’t miss it nor am I considering starting again any time soon. Originally, my decision stemmed from anger and frustration. But a few other reasons have surfaced over the years:

I was done with the drama
I was tired of wondering “why hasn’t he called/texted?”, “he said he would be here, where is he?”, “what does he really mean by that?”, the juggling of schedules, defending my past and present choices, and letting myself be used. I had enough of the roller coaster ups and downs and was sick of soap opera that was my life. I decided that I didn’t want someone in my life if he didn’t help to make my life easier or simpler.

I wasn’t picking the right guys
Every guy I went out with or was interested in (even a casual interest) was in some way unavailable. Either mentally (immature, uncommitted, unaccepting) or relationship-wise (they were actually with someone already). I’ve become a firm believer that the right people will come into your life when you are ready. I’m applying that belief to my love life also.

I was happy
A few months after my last encounter, Oprah’s LifeClass started and changed my life. Through LifeClass, I was able to work through quite a few aspects of my life and became, for the first time, truly happy. I was finally happy with myself and my life. I didn’t want to lose that.
Side note: One benefit of being single is having your bed all to yourself. You can sleep on it any which way you please (head to foot, foot to head, sideways, diagonally, you name it!). I’ve also decided that the man I commit to will have to be special enough for me to give up sleeping any which way in my bed.

I need to know what it’s like to just be friends with a man
recently realized that most of my encounters with men have involved some sexual nature to it. I have never had an intimate relationship with a man that did not involve sex. I believe I need to know how to have one before I can have a successful relationship. I need to learn how to set and maintain boundaries; to not instantly think of their flirts or comments as anything more; to enjoy men and let them enjoy me just as I am, nothing added and nothing hidden. I am taking this opportunity to open up, let my guard down, and just be friends. 

Is this going to hurt me financially? Oh yeah, another income would be great to have right now.
Do I feel lonely at times? Yes, but it is short-lived when I have friends and comedies to help lift my spirits.
Don’t I get that feeling? Funny, the longer you go without sex, the less you crave it. I do get that feeling, but it’s nothing a good erotic story can’t cure.
I also don’t have a biological clock ticking (two teen kids), nor do I feel like I will end up old and alone. I have plenty of family and friends, and my teens will eventually tolerate having me around ;-).

This isn’t for every woman nor do I recommend it for everyone. I’m just sharing my story for others to read.

Lessons from your Parents

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As adults, before we realize who we really are, we are the product of what our parents have taught us. And what our parents have done, has taught us way more than anything they have said.

I learned from my father that I was not worth of staying around for. That I did not deserve his time, attention, or love. My mother taught me that you do whatever you can for people, regardless of how bad they treat you. If you give more, then maybe they’ll stay and treat you right.

I brought both of these lessons into every relationship I have had, with a man or woman. I would do all that I could for my friends, lovers, and family, in hopes that they will like me, maybe love me, and stay around. All the while feeling that I did not deserve their friendship or love.

Look, look, look at your own relationships. See what they all have in common. Then look at what you saw your parents do and how it made you feel. Identify the connection between the two. If you have been wondering why you attract the same problems or problem people in your life, this may be why.